he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
