Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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