well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
