ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
