Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
