So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
im on a boat
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