garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
