i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
