This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
