Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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