New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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