We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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