im drinking this country out of the recession.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Mom said you looked used
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
