somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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