dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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