she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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