T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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