I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
