Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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