btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
