8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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