Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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