It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
