I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
