dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
