Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
