remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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