SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm like, not good at living.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
