i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
