I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
