You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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