Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
time to smoke my breakfast
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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