FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
