I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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