He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
