Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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