I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
