It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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