I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
