She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
