Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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