He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
