i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sober January is a disaster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
