I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
