is your mom at the bar?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
