I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
