my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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