12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
