Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
