you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
