he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
