wanna go halves on a baby?
thus making me awesome and them whores
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
