ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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