Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
