put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
