That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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