i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
