would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
