The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
