Your dad touched me again.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize